Aside from the disturbing mental image this conjured, the metaphor sparked a whole onslaught of internal questions about the kind of sex life and dating dilemmas I had to look forward to as a senior. A little research turned up some surprising results.  

Stigma Schmigma

The first wave of Baby Boomers (defined as those born between 1946-1964) hit the age 60 mark this year. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are 73.4 million people aged 42 to 60; 29.2 million aged 60 to 74; and 16.6 million aged 75-plus. Of those aged 42 to 74, according to the Census Bureau, roughly 35 per cent are single, mostly because of death or divorce. Many are actively looking for love.

But in many ways, seniors' sex is seemingly taboo. Porn sites treat it as a fetish, depicting young things going at it with the wrinkled warriors rather than featuring two like-aged seniors. Maybe this has something to do with society's youth-obsessed attitude to just about everything except wine and cheese. Thankfully, the tides they are a-changing. Hollywood is starting to turn out love stories with salacious scenes for our beloved 60-plus set, as in a naked Diane Keaton with Jack Nicholson in Something's Gotta Give.

Libidos to Last a Lifetime

Sex drives ebb and flow through life. Don't assume that what made you feel good emotionally and physically half a century ago (or even last week) will still put a smile on your face tonight. And while many elderly folk report a decrease in the frequency of their sexual urges (preferring the intimacy of cuddling over penetration), many others claim to enjoy as many orgasms, if not more, than in their youth.

Robert N. Butler and Myrna I. Lewis, in their The New Love and Sex After 60, write: "What can we safely say about sexuality in later life? Our views on this topic have not yet caught up with the slowly changing character of aging. Many people -- not only the young and middle aged but older people themselves -- are quite uniformly negative about the prospects of continued sexual interest and ability. Many simply assume that the game is over somewhere in late midlife or early later life. They couldn't be more wrong." Although aging bodies may sometimes restrict seniors from, say, copulating while bouncing on a trampoline, it seems that your senior sex life is what you make of it. Hallelujah!

Are You Experienced

Whether you're gingerly stepping into the dating scene for the first time in 50 years or have been going at it strong since puberty, dating as a senior has its definite advantages. Your perky feminine breasts of youth may have sagged, or, perhaps, as a man, you find yourself with more boob than you ever expected to have. Piffle, I say. The way I see it, singles over 60 have the hometown advantage. Having been of dating age for at least 40 years, your demographic has experienced its fair share of relationships -- good and bad -- and you know what kind of person makes you happy and what kind of person you'd rather throw a banana cream pie at. Says University of Washington sociologist Pepper Schwartz, 59, a single boomer and the author of Finding Your Perfect Match, "You were supposed to stay home and be a grandparent at 50." But boomers are "very clear about what they want, and they're willing to go looking for it."

Physical Frustrations

My childhood crush Ben suffered from uncontrollable erections during co-ed swim class in grade five, and my high-school sweetheart endured the embarrassment of premature ejaculations during first sexual encounters. Well, it may come as no surprise, then, that older men may also endure unpredictable penis performances. Slow, mushy, short-lived erections are common complaints of older men, as is an increase in the amount of rest time needed before second sessions. To compensate, the pharmaceutical industry has come up with pretty blue Viagra pills (and other copycat meds) to help graying guys rediscover the sexual marathon, and medical treatments -- such as vascular surgery, penile vacuum pumps -- are also available.

Women of a certain age (i.e. menopausal and "more mature") on the other hand, may complain of a certain dryness in their nether regions, a drought they never thought possible in their 30s while sexual urges peaked and juices flowed freely. What's more, vaginas lose elasticity over time and may not take easily to the insertion of an excited "marshmallow." Longer foreplay and avoiding predictable sex sessions will help keep the gears oiled. And the pharmaceutical fixer-upper, you ask? A tube of lube, of course.

Talk to your lover and doctor about these or other sexual concerns, including hormone replacement therapies and symptoms resulting from the use of existing medications.

Safety First

Boomers may have been erotically enlightened during the 1960's sexual revolution but there are new rules in the promiscuous playing field. In fact, many studies have shown that this age demographic doesn't have an appropriate sense of danger about the risks of unprotected sex, especially since most aren't concerned about the possibility of getting pregnant. Don't be a statistic. Incorporate safe sex rituals into your encounters. Use a condom to protect against HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases during sex and foreplay.

Do You Read Me? Over

You may feel intimidated by how kids these days are getting their flirt on -- through text messaging, speed dating, on-line profile browsing, emailing, photophoning, using pagers. Maybe your friend set up your profile on Lavalife because you worried it was complicated (glad to see you've discovered it wasn't). Don't fret. You don't have to be a bar hopper or a techie nerd to click with other singles in today's scene. There are thousands of singles to choose from on this site, so you've already won half the battle.

Addendum

Dating styles may not be what they used to be, but love is still love and sex is still sex. And although in this stage of your life, "getting lucky" may also mean remembering where you parked your car, be confident that there's plenty of time left in your parking meter and that seniors' sex and their singles' lifestyles can be as erotic, sassy and satisfying as they were in your youth.